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藤校的各类补充文书怎么写?8篇例文+优缺点详解来了,赶快收藏起来好好研究一下!

10-19
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众所周知,大多数学校都有自己的补充文书,从典型的“why school”、“why major”,到每年都在变化的更加独特的主题。学校希望通过补充文书更加了解你申请的动机,也更加了解你这个人的性格以及思考问题的方式。

今天,我们就用几篇藤校的示例补充文书,来给大家分析一下小文书到底怎么写才能有效的提高你的竞争力。

 Princeton University01Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title and author at the beginning of your essay. (250-650 words)

“One of the great challenges of our time is that the disparities we face today have more complex causes and point less straightforwardly to solutions.” 

– Omar Wasow, assistant professor of politics, Princeton University. This quote is taken from Professor Wasow’s January 2014 speech at the Martin Luther King Day celebration at Princeton University. 

The air is crisp and cool, nipping at my ears as I walk under a curtain of darkness that drapes over the sky, starless. It is a Friday night in downtown Corpus Christi, a rare moment of peace in my home city filled with the laughter of strangers and colorful lights of street vendors. But I cannot focus. 

My feet stride quickly down the sidewalk, my hand grasps on to the pepper spray my parents gifted me for my sixteenth birthday. My eyes ignore the surrounding city life, focusing instead on a pair of tall figures walking in my direction. I mentally ask myself if they turned with me on the last street corner. I do not remember, so I pick up the pace again. All the while, my mind runs over stories of young women being assaulted, kidnapped, and raped on the street. I remember my mother’s voice reminding me to keep my chin up, back straight, eyes and ears alert. 

At a young age, I learned that harassment is a part of daily life for women. I fell victim to period-shaming when I was thirteen, received my first catcall when I was fourteen, and was nonconsensually grabbed by a man soliciting on the street when I was fifteen. For women, assault does not just happen to us— its gory details leave an imprint in our lives, infecting the way we perceive the world. And while movements such as the Women’s March and #MeToo have given victims of sexual violence a voice, harassment still manifests itself in the lives of millions of women across the nation. Symbolic gestures are important in spreading awareness but, upon learning that a surprising number of men are oblivious to the frequent harassment that women experience, I now realize that addressing this complex issue requires a deeper level of activism within our local communities. 

Frustrated with incessant cases of harassment against women, I understood at sixteen years old that change necessitates action. During my junior year, I became an intern with a judge whose campaign for office focused on a need for domestic violence reform. This experience enabled me to engage in constructive dialogue with middle and high school students on how to prevent domestic violence. As I listened to young men uneasily admit their ignorance and young women bravely share their experiences in an effort to spread awareness, I learned that breaking down systems of inequity requires changing an entire culture. I once believed that the problem of harassment would dissipate after politicians and celebrities denounce inappropriate behavior to their global audience. But today, I see that effecting large-scale change comes from the “small” lessons we teach at home and in schools. Concerning women’s empowerment, the effects of Hollywood activism do not trickle down enough. Activism must also trickle up and it depends on our willingness to fight complacency. 

Finding the solution to the long-lasting problem of violence against women is a work-in-progress, but it is a process that is persistently moving. In my life, for every uncomfortable conversation that I bridge, I make the world a bit more sensitive to the unspoken struggle that it is to be a woman. I am no longer passively waiting for others to let me live in a world where I can stand alone under the expanse of darkness on a city street, utterly alone and at peace. I, too, deserve the night sky.

这篇文书的优点是:

首先,文章开头的多感官意向会非常有效的吸引读者,陌生人的笑声、街头小贩的叫卖声……这些对视听背景的描述让场景保持活力,也能够带着读者沉浸其中;而对于作者内心世界的叙述则和外部景象形成了对比,也暗示时间的万事万物总比大家看到的复杂许多。

第二个做的好的地方,是提供了这个作者针对“被骚扰”的个人经历的具体描述,这确立了她就这个主题发言的权威,并强调了文章的真实性。提供一些具体的信息,为可能不熟悉这个问题的读者提供了理解文章的背景,透过个人的故事经历投射到一个大的问题上,展示了对宏观问题的理解。

“引文”到底是什么,也是决定这篇文章成败的关键。这是一个非常开放的题目,但这个作者挑选的引文非常出色,他选择了一个知名度不是非常高,但却非常符合这篇文章试图表达的主题的段落,这说明作者是先想清楚她想要讨论什么话题、表达什么主题,然后找到合适的引文,而不是依赖引文作为拐杖,再去强行扯到自己的经历上。

总之,这篇文章的每个部分都很好的表达了“挖掘事物更深层次的原因”这一主题,在整篇文章中都贯穿了学生的个人反思,在结尾也回到了开头的故事,把社会问题和个人问题相呼应,重新点明并升华了整个文章主旨。

还可以改进的地方是:

这篇文章花费了大量的笔墨在描绘个人经历和社会问题的全球背景,而关于他们为改变女性骚扰问题做出的努力和行动却没有很大的篇幅,如果可以增加这一部分的比重,更详细的阐述他们目前的行动进度,或许可以更好的展示领导力和他们为改进社会问题起到的积极作用。

 Cornell University(Engineering)02Tell us about your interest in engineering or what you hope to achieve with a degree in engineering. Describe what appeals to you about Cornell Engineering and how it specifically relates to your engineering interests or aspirations. (650 words) 

High above me, the gigantic metal ball (a Hoberman sphere, I later learnt) continued to expand and contract. Its joints folded and unfolded continuously as I stood open-mouthed beneath it, fascinated by its simultaneous complexity and simplicity. 

I felt this same awe again at my first model rocket launch, as my rockets shot gracefully (and loudly) into the sky. As I watched, I crossed my fingers and hoped the recovery mechanisms weren’t faulty–hopes that were dashed a few moments later, as one of them crashed to the ground rather spectacularly, the parachute inexplicably not opening; thankfully, I later found that–apart from a few dents and scratches–my rocket was largely unharmed. 

This mishap stuck in my head, not as a painful reminder of a failure, but as an exciting opportunity for improvement–even more exciting than my one successful launch. I pulled out and inspected the (singed) parachute from the body of my rocket, talked to many experienced rocketeers about recovery systems, and surfed the internet for explanations. What had originally been a source of horror was now a new conquest: a new difficulty to overcome. 

That’s why I like engineering–because each failure is never the end, but simply an opportunity to learn something new. It presents a never-ending stream of unique challenges–the possibilities are endless! 

My LLRISE (summer program) team’s portable radar collected SAR imaging data fine one day, but it didn’t the next–why? It turned out to be the composition of our surroundings–the amount of reflective objects near to us were preventing accurate readings for distances further away. The wind turbine I built for the innovation fair, though built on the laws of elementary physics, didn’t power the lightbulb–why? I eventually found that my weak magnets and insufficient number of wire coils were to blame. 

Engineering holds the electrifying excitement and satisfying ‘click’ of a well-solved problem. Whether by screwing in screws or watching equations fall gracefully together, being an engineer would help me answer the thousands of questions I have about the world around us. From the modern-day accessibility of Iron Man’s suit to the external enhancement of singers’ vocal chords, it would turn my everyday curiosity into a thrilling adventure for answers. 

I want to begin this adventure at Cornell, a school with a philosophy based on open inquiry and interdisciplinary exploration; a school with a great sense of humor (as evidenced by the Squirrel Watcher Watchers Club); a school with a collaborative, energetic, balanced environment. Where students band together to create gigantic dragons (and phoenixes!) to parade around campus and write hilarious satire for the CU Nooz, I know I will find like-minded peers with the same curious mindset and interdisciplinary philosophy to collaborate with throughout my college years. Whether I endeavor to launch a startup with Cornell’s available accelerators or innovate solutions to pressing real-world issues through Cornell’s engineering-based service clubs, I know I will find success with the opportunities that Cornell Engineering s—from the available robotics minor to the (insanely cool!) novel projects (like the miniornithopter). The nerdy but not narrow minds, the stimulating but not cutthroat environment, and the diverse but still tight-knit community draw me to Cornell Engineering, and Cornell as a whole—a place that would enable me to ask bigger questions, and find bigger answers. 

这篇文书的优点是:

这篇文章最主要的优势之一是——不仅传达了这位学生为什么对工程着迷,也引导读者了解这位学生处理工程挑战的过程。从火箭发射社保的故事,学生展现了他如何应对问题:调查问题的原因,向导师寻求建议,寻找以前实施过的解决方案来尝试。工程就是解决问题,因此展示他们在解决问题时候所采取的步骤可以让招生官深入的了解他们是什么样的人,以及会成为什么样的学生。

而且很明显的是,这位学生显然已经针对康奈尔大学的学术和课外活动进行了研究,正因为如此,他的兴奋是很真诚的,他在写作中表现出来的期待以及迫切的想成为康奈尔课堂一员的意愿是很强烈的。

这位学生的个性也在最后一段中特别突出,他添加了很多个幽默的感叹词,这可能会引起招生官的一两声笑声。虽然幽默的不那么明显,但他的韧性和毅力也已经表现的淋漓尽致,也让整个人的形象很生动真实,相信会给招生官留下不一样的印象。

还可以改进的地方是:

事实上我认为这位学生不必把自己“为什么喜欢工程学”的结论老老实实的用一段话写出来,其实火箭的故事已经很明显的暗示了这个结论,他的热情也已经自然而然的流露了出来,这个时候再去强调一遍反而有点累赘——永远不要认为你的读者需要你不断地灌输和提示!(要留出一些空间)

另外,段也可以删除,因为霍伯曼球体的故事其实并没有和文章的内容有所关联,也没有展示与工程相关的问题解决方案,反而火箭这个故事很好,可以提供更多的细节,包括详细的描述失败后探索的过程。

 Yale University03Yale students, faculty, and alumni engage issues of local, national, and international importance. Discuss an issue that is significant to you and how your college experience could help you address it. (250 words)

A chaotic sense of sickness and filth unfolds in an overcrowded border station in McAllen, Texas. Through soundproof windows, migrants motion that they have not showered in weeks and children wear clothes caked in mucus and tears. The humanitarian crisis at the southern border exists not only in photographs published by mainstream media, but miles from my home in South Texas.

As a daughter of immigrants, I have heard countless stories of migrants being turned away by a country they desperately seek to love. After seeing the abhorrent conditions migrants face upon arriving in the U.S., I began volunteering with Loaves and Fishes, an organization that shelters and provides necessities to undocumented immigrants. This year, my experiences collecting donations and working at pop-up soup kitchens have made me realize that the communities in South Texas promote true American values of freedom and opportunity. The U.S. government, however, must do better.

During my university career, I aspire to learn how our immigration system can be positively reformed by considering the politics and economics that shape policy-making. Particularly, classes such as Institutional Design and Institutional Change will prepare me to effect change in existing institutions by analyzing various methods to bolster the economy. 

Additionally, I hope to join the Yale Refugee Project that volunteers at the southern border and prepares asylum cases for court. With the numerous opportunities ed by YRP, I will be part of a generation of activists and lawmakers that builds a more empathetic immigration system.

这篇文书的优点是:

这篇文章的优点之一是在解释她自己的个人经历之前就先描述了社会问题,并且她使用了非常具体的画面描述来带领读者进入这个场景,让读者意识到这样的场景是真实存在的,而不仅仅是媒体发布的图片。

当然,在读者已经非常了解她在描述什么问题之后,她的家庭背景又为她解决问题的奉献精神和热情提供了合理性,她不需要再额外的向读者解释她为何如此关注这个问题,内在身份到外在行为的转变原因显而易见。

另一个积极地方面是,这篇文章只讨论了耶鲁大学对学生有益的两种资源,详细的说明了特定的课程以及耶鲁的难民计划将如何在专业发展方面帮助到她,这比她列出一大堆耶鲁的机会却不解释如何和自己的个人情况相结合要有说服力的多。

还可以改进的地方是:

缺少结论,这篇文章以讨论耶鲁难民计划结束,但没有与学生手头更大的问题联系起来,或许是因为字数有限的原因,结尾显得有些很突然。如果结尾能够重新呼应一下主题,或许会让文章感觉更完整,读者的感受也更好。

另外,“美国政府必须做的更好”这条线没有进行详细的说明,并且与她计划如何解决当前政府的错误联系不大,感觉没有必要。

可以说“计划借助耶鲁给我的工具,消除移民障碍并构建新系统以引导联邦移民政策朝着包容性方向发展”,这样可以有效的解释学生将如何使用她的公共政策学位去推动政府改善。


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