“我们和你在一起”心理健康教育系列报道（三）如何提升亲子关系的“免疫力”？

卷3

在这个“史上最长的寒假“中，亲子关系问题无形中给家长们带来了挑战。其实这个问题并非突如其来，它是一个长期积累的结果，疫情这个放大镜把这种既有关系进一步放大化、清晰化，但从另一方面来说也提供了我们重新审视和建立良好关系的契机。很多家长借由这个难得的亲密接触的机会，以一种更为豁达和平等的方式和孩子们相处，让我们来看看他们是怎么做的吧。

During the longest winter holiday, parent-child relationship has brought huge challenge to parents. In fact this problem does not come in a sudden, but it is a result that has been accumulated for a long term. The outbreak of the coronavirus has made this problem much clearer and bigger. From other part, it is also a good opportunity for us to review and establish a good relationship with our children. A lot  of our parents use a more open-minded and equal way to get along with their child under this rare opportunity.

心理学上的“刺猬理论”同样适用于亲子关系，亲子之间太近的距离，彼此会被刺伤，太远的距离又感受不到温暖。那么如何找到适度的距离？

The psychological “hedgehog theory” also applies to the parent-child relationship. If this relationship is too close, both of them will be hurt, while if it is too far away, they can’t feel warmth from each other. So how can we find an appropriate distance?

爱从了解孩子开始，你了解自己的孩子吗？疫情下，我们有更多时间相处、更好去了解对方。孩子是父母的复印件，在一个孩子身上你总能找到父母的影子。那么当你发现复印件有问题的时候，你会不会去质疑原件出了问题？试着去认知孩子，了解TA的个性特征、行为方式、兴趣爱好，去思考孩子行为背后的心理原因。

Love begins with knowing your child. Do you really know your child? Under this situation, we have more time to know each other. Children are the copies of the parents. You can always find a parent's shadow through a child. So when you find there is something wrong with the copy, will you suspect that it is the original’s problem?  Let ’s try to know your child, understand his/her character, behavior, hobbies, and think about the psychological reasons under this behavior.

疫情下亲子相处时间成倍增长，在“我的眼里只有你”这种情况下，父母更要分清亲子边界。每个孩子都是一个独立的个体，他们不是父母的附属品和私有财产。英国诗人纪伯伦说过：你的儿女，其实不是你的儿女，他们是生命对于自身渴望而诞生的孩子。他们借助你来到这世界，却非因你而来。而在亲子相处中“万事包办”就是没有边界感的一种体现。尊重、信任、鼓励、不缺位也不越位、亲密有间也有距离才能守住亲子边界。

Parent-child time has increased during this period, parents need to divide the parent-child boundary in the case of “you are the only one in my eyes”.In fact every child is an independent individual; they are not the belongings and private property of their parents. The English poet Gibran once said, "Your children are not your own children, they are born because they are longing for life. They came to the world through you, but not because of you." In the parent-child relationship, parents have done all the things for children; this is a reflection of breaking the boundary. We need to respect, trust, and encourage our children, to neither be absent from their life nor interfere too much, also keep distance while we are intimate with them. For doing this, we can hold the parent-child boundary.

不管何时何地亲子陪伴都需要考虑质量，高质量陪伴需要做到：1、父母是孩子的学习和模仿的首选对象，因此在陪伴中父母需要严于利己、做好示范。2、陪伴中传递积极情绪，尽量避免将消极情绪带入亲子互动中。3、陪伴不只是陪着，而是要全身心投入，积极分享。4、除了学习陪伴外可以多一些生活陪伴，可以开展有主题的亲子时光，比如：亲子共读、发展兴趣爱好、休闲娱乐、运动游戏等。

No matter under which kind of situation, parent-child accompany needs to be high-quality. It should to be as follows: 

1. Parents are the one children likes to learn and imitate, so parents need to be strict with themselves and set a good example.

2. Pass positive emotions; try to avoid bringing passive emotions into parent-child interaction.

3.Accompany children is more than being there, but it means being involved whole-heartedly and share the happiness.

4. Except from studying, parents can support children to develop more parent-child happy hours, such as reading, and developing hobbies, recreations and playing sports and so on.

任何良好关系的建立都是以信任为基础，而亲子信任的基石是“无条件的爱”。一句“都是为你好”强行把父母和孩子捆绑在一起，你认为的“好”是孩子心里真正需要的吗？试着多问问孩子的想法，听听他们心中的“好”。“都是为你好”这种情感绑架是时候解绑了。

Any good relationship is built on trust, while the foundation for parent-child trust is love without reserve. The idea that "it's all for your good " binds parent and child together. Do you really think this kind of love is really what children need? Try to ask your children’s opinion and listen to their voice. What is their opinion of “love”. Now it is time for us to abandon this idea.

这是《我们和你在一起——心理健康教育系列报道》的最终篇，在三期的报道中，我们探讨了疫情期间相关的方方面面：如何缓解焦虑、如何高效地学习，以及如何维护好亲子关系。

家长是孩子居家限制时最亲近也是最好的支持者，家长保持与其密切、开放的沟通交流，是为长时间居家限制的孩子提供心理安抚支持的关键。老师们虽然无法陪在孩子们身边，但网课等全新形式的推出也让孩子们体会到了从前课堂上体会不到的师生情谊。

This is the last article of “We are with you, psychological health education series.” In this three series, under the circumstances of coronavirus, we have discussed all aspects like: how to relieve anxiety, how to learn efficiently, also how to maintain parent-child relationship. 

Parents are the closest and best support of children during the home-stay period. Maintaining close and open communication is the key to providing psychological comfort and support for children who have been stayed at home for such a long time. Although our teachers can’t accompany the children, but the new way of online learning also let the children experience new kind of feelings with teachers which is different from studying in classes.

这次的疫情给我们带来了许多新的思考和尝试。除了和任课老师、父母、朋友们倾诉之外，学校有专业的心理老师，可以提供专业的心理建议：

The outbreak of the coronavirus has brought us a lot of new thinking. In addition to talking to the teachers, parents and friends, our school has a professional psychology teacher who can provide professional psychological advice and suggestions.

虽然开学延期了，我们暂时还不能相聚校园。但请相信，学习不延期，关爱不延期，成长不延期！我们和你一直在一起！

Although the starting of school has been postponed, we can’t unite at school temporary. Please believe, the learning does not delay, love does not delay, and development does not delay. We are with you all the time.